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Footy Daily

AFL The New Ambasador

June 19th 2008 05:26
The West Coast Eagles and the AFL are currently enjoying the true benefits of the addage "timing is everything", instead of the Eagles undergoing intense media scrutiny for their "success" in losing the first round of the Naitanui Cup in their loss to Kitcheners Bombers on last Friday night. The Eagles have the AFL`s new Counter Insurgency Ambassador Aker "the Peroxide Oracle" to thank for their tanking effort against the Kitcheners mob going unchallenged in most quarters, you see, when The Peroxide Oracle refers to a topic it ultimately gets dismissed as being kooky by the entire logical world, it is not that The Oracle is wide of the mark, but his uncanny capacity to blurt out hunches (as he did on SEN radio the other day)before any research renders him as footys "boy who cried wolf" or tanking or drug taking or....etc .

The Oracle followed this up by refering to Ben Cousin`s unsubstantiated return to footy next year in his column in todays Herald Sun, similar to his previous thoughts on most things the article is punctuated with The Oracle`s usual honest declaration that he "doesn`t know the full details or the person involved on a personal level" but, that is not going to stop him pontifficating without any hard evidence to support whatever conclusion he draws.
The impact on public conscience is that now any topic "analysed" by The Oracle is dismissed as "Wolf " cries and consequently this then allows the activity to be perpetuated without examination, because if The Oracle says it is so, well it can only be the contrary.
The AFL quite possibly may be diverting some of Kevin Sheedy`s ambassadorial income to a bank account in Footscray under the name of Oracle Wolf, as in the tradition of the Cold War, agent Oracle may be the ultimate dirty tricks department for the AFL in keeping peoples minds diverted away from the issues by in this case using the Oracle`s credibility as a genuine incredible source as the perfect public relations in convincing the public that what is happening in front of their eyes, tanking, is not real. The Eagles, just edged out of a preliminary final last year by the team, Collingwood, who were one kick from the Grand Final, and the Grand Final winners the previous year, are now in contention for Naitanui.

The AFL were hot on The Oracle`s heels with a double pronged diversionary tactic far superior to Buddy`s box, the Hawks forward decoy system, the head honcho The MeatyRoo revealed fixture plans for 24 rounds of football in 2012, and, the showpiece of the diversion was feigning low interest in a twilight Grand Final, "only if the broadcasters rreeaalllyy want it" would The MeatyRoo consider it.
Clearly whatever mandate that the AFL has in mind which they feel is a little extreme for public consumption, they just contact their man The Oracle to spread the word on some other unrelated poorly researched topic and job`s done!
Whatever draft concessions the new AFL licence holders in the Gold Coast Worshippers and The West Sydney Bogans are ultimately provided with, if as expected their is a significant negative public reaction to the level of assistance they are bequeathed, 1 to 20 in the draft for a decade, expect the big story in The Oracle`s column to be along the lines, "the day I thought was Lethal was a cross dresser".
Ultimately the twilight Grand Final will be followed by the night Grand Final, and when the AFL announce that due to TV pressure, the Grand Final will be held in London on a Sunday morning, The Oracle will be busily scribing the details of his time in the shower with Vossy when he swears he could not see the usual male appendage, yeah you guessed the headline "Aker says, Vossy is a girl..!
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The Surreal round

June 12th 2008 20:51
What a strange surreal week it has been in footy. Mark Harvey, the Fremantle Coach assures us in his post match press conference, (or post mortem as they like to refer them in `Trio) that beware of `Trio as they are dangerous. On the surface what Harvey says is almost innane, cosidering `Trio have now added being in front at quarter time and losing as part of their fear factor, in addition to the fact that they have blown more three quarter time leads than Sam Newman has had bad public relations moments. Ignoring the blown three quarter time leads, the ill discipline of key players, the poor clutch kicking of Matthew "I can`t carry this mob anymore" Pavlich, that the team are a basket case, and possibly now the Coach can fall under that description. Perhaps all these factors suggest that `Trio are such a threat to themselves that conversely in some surreal `Trio/Harvey logic, that they subsequenty pose a threat to others, notably North Melbourne who get the bye this week and are off to Subiaco for some R&R. Sure it`s hard to follow, but it was Surreal week, imagine how the journos at the press conference at the Gabba felt as Harvey pleaded to be accepted as dangerous, you could feel the cringing in their pens as they wrote.
It gets better, in the surreal sense of course, down at Punt Road Terry Wallace reckons that Richmond are too emotional, and Matthew Richardson particularly so, because of carrying a sore knee, how about Richo`s emotion stems from the Tigers are more house tabby than feline of the Savannah, and poor old Richo has had it with another Coach who can`t get a game plan to work consistently or teammates who either can`t get the footy to him on time or just can`t get it to him efficiently.
Richo`s old comrade down at the Bombers Matthew Kitchener, reckons everyone is too emotional in expecting Matthew Lloyd to kick bags of goals on a weekly basis. Last Saturday at the other end Buddy kicks 9 against the Bombers and adds to his weekly tally of bags. Of course unlike Lloydy Buddy is getting the ball from a team with a game plan, and no one knows the value of a game plan better than Kitchener, as he clearly would love one that lasts for four quarters.
At least Buddy need not worry about his off field issues now that he has Wayne "The Duck" Carey to provide counsel on how to avoid off field infamy. The Duck astutely has suggested in the Herald Sun that life for Buddy will get harder from here on in and he would be better off to just lock himself in a padded room. Sound counsel indeed! Oh The Duck did also say something about not grabbing strangers of the female variety by the breast randomly, not rooting your best mate`s wife and not spening two days on a drink and drug binge with someone of equal emotional instability. I am not sure how he gets the psuedonym The Duck, it could be linked to what he he does everytime his drinking partner picks up a glass. Ah yes there was one other piece of advice for Buddy, surround yourself with people who will tell you to pull your f*****g head in.
Now if they are too busy to keep Buddy in check down at Waverley, they could always request some input from Peroxide Oracle out at Footscray, Aker in his column in the Herald sun this week went to great lengths to illustrate the great sense of perspective and empathy he posess`, he describes how busy and demanding the life of a footballer is nowadays. Apparently way back footballers used to train and play, but you would`nt believe it now they have go to meetings, do extra training, attend functions and all this for a few hundred grand a year, in fairness to Aker he did not mention the hardest part for the modern footballer, when they step out into the garage each morning and have to decide whether they should take the BMW, the Mercedes or the Harley to "work" today
No worries for the Hawks then with Buddy and life skills, if in any doubt on direction Aker and The Duck are always ready to help.
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Buddygate!

June 4th 2008 11:08
The hawks faithful are queueing up outside Waverley to tear up and hand in there memberships as the sharapnel and fallout from "Buddygate" descends. It turns out the Footy Show Boyz are on to something, (well Buddy doesn`t appear regularly, so we can assume he is not appropriate for their pitch at the fairer sex). As the dust settles it turns out Buddy is not a sexist misogynist with the tact of a TV star, he might just be a talented footballer with the capacity to attract social attention and add into the mix he is probably a big kid.
Anyway the last thing footy needs is another tolerant non misogynist non sexist mild mannered young man.
Conversely, there is the suggestion that he had mistaken the nightclub in the city for a mexican restaurant, and was under the impression that the two ladies who alleged he verbally abused them, were waitresse`s and Buddy merely tried to order two servings of enchiladas with that mexican staple, and Buddy`s favourite, the mole sauce, now how a young man ordering "2 moles" can be construed as abusive is beyond me.
All I can add is that mole is not to everyone`s palate as Buddy`s coach "the little general, Alastair Bonaparte was apparently spitting corn chips over the incident as he said he ordered fajitas although he may have motioned towards dips on the menu and some bloke from Tassie called Brett wrote down burritos, weekends away can get so complicated, no wonder that black & white mob like to stay close to home.

At least things are getting back to normal at Windy Hill with Kitchener`s mob, somebody is deflecting attention away from results just like the good old days with Sheeds, Matthew Floyd their skipper said if Robert "I can grow sideburns" Murphy was suspended for his bump on Xavier Ellis, then players would be reluctant to hip and shoulderin the future. Of course Floydy is absolutely right if players think that they can`t hip and shoulder (or shoulder and head as they say at Windy Hill) without incurring a suspension then they will have reservations. He is uncanny Floydy, fortunately he escaped the wrath of the big boss Andrew "The Meaty Roo" Demetriou, who apparently said he read Robert Murphy`s column in The Age, where he stated something about wanting to "hip and head" the first person he met called Xavier, I mean how unlucky could Ellis be, he must wish his parents were Rugby fans, so consequently "The Meaty Roo" said he only listens to people when there is nothing else available, so Floydy gets off, phew!

Down at Moorabbin Rainman is spilling forth again, last weak, oops I mean week, he said the Sainters, or as the loyal call them "The Tainters" were weak, and this weak, damn again! this week he was looking at some Premiership Windows with Leigh Matthews and said Leigh muttered something about, I don`t believe in windows, so thankfully The Tainters are going to stay at the church with the roof till they win a premiership.

They continue to set records over at Freo or" Trio" as they are rightfully known, well its the same Trio front up every week over in Subiaco, Matthew Pavlich carries the 21 blokes for three quarters, some bloke in the crowd rings a bell and the coach fronts up for a bake from the media after the game, anyway records, yeah world record masochism membership whose favourite colour is purple.

Of course, biggest news ot the week is the lawsuit being taken by former feline inhabitants of the African savannah against Richmond for defamation in the misuse of the word Tigers, apparently Elsa and her mob are not at all happy with liberal endorsements of the artists formerly known as th Tigers, by male hair care products, but the final straw was the Guys and Dolls sign which prevented from coach Terry Very Wallace from actually being able to see Browny for three quarters, aside from Frowny not touching the footy like the rest of the artists formerly known as, Terry`s view was obscured by the size of the "Guys and Dolls" sign
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Any Indigenous Around?

May 26th 2008 21:08
Round 9 of the AFL seaon passed which celebrated the role of Indigenous Australians as contributors to the great game of Footy. The showpiece of this round is Dreamtime at the `G between Esssendon and Richmond, an occasion which was championed by the innovative former bombers coach Kevin Sheedy, but despite public perception not his idea, Sheeds was merely the conduit for this great tribute.
Despite this honourable round there is a still abit of work to do in order to give Indigenous Australians the same opportunities in this great country, unfortunately this was illustrated in a salient fashion at Dreamtime at the `G, where as most games over the weekend used Indigenous team members as honorary captains, in the Demons Hawks game, Chance Bateman and Aaron Davey did the coin toss duties, in what was a possible oversight, but never the less an indication of perhaps cultural complacency, Essendon sent out usual captain Matthew Lloyd for the duties, he must have been bemused to meet young Tiger Richard Tambling at the centre for the toss. In a poetic follow on the Tigers dominated the Bombers throughout as General Kitchener`s game plan was exposed again as clueless. Interesting that stories emanating from Windy Hill around the time of Kitcheners appointment, infered it was intention to have a different cultural approach to the Indigenous members of his squad, as opposed to a one size fits all mentality, that swung in his favour over Damien Hardwick, if so, this may appear to be just lipservice in light of the coin toss missed opportunity. Incidentally Bateman and Davey were critical components in success of their sides performance, which erased the tokenism perception and highlighted this step as an empowerment of these men within their respecive teams, Davey was instrumental in elevating the performance of the previous one win from eight Dees, while Bateman was the catalyst going forward for the Hawks who without his penetrative inside 50`s would certainly have stuggled to overcome the Dees in the second half.
Of course there are those who may argue that the Dees were improving regardless and that the Hawks would ultimately have triumphed due to their dependable game plan. The AFL`s official historian for the publication The Australian Game Of Football, Gillian Hibbins probably feels that the roles of Bateman and Davey are over emphasised in the same way that she feels her co-author in the historical tome, Adam Goodes is a racist for his inference when he suggested that Indigenous kids are born to play footy. Ms Hibbins or "John Howards favourite historian" interpreted this as a statement of superiority and consequently racist. Perhaps had she read her co-authors candid view of his life as an aborigine in Australia, the assumption of superiority would be the last thing from her mind, Goodes directly refers to his troubled childhood as his mother moved in order to pursue a better life away from alcohol and physical abuse. Not withstanding Goodes role as an ambassador as even acknowledged by the intransient Howard government, where Goodes held an appointed role on an Aboriginal board, the fact he is now a dual Brownlow medalist a Premiership player and one of the notable performers from the AFL`s showpiece the Hall Of Fame game, not to mention the mature manner in which he accepted the recent public criticism of his performance by his coach Paul Roos, despite his troubled upbringing Goodes has clearly indicated he is a cosummate leader in development not a supremacist


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The Styne`s Legacy

May 24th 2008 22:03
As a footballer big Jim Stynes will be remembered as the softly spoken raw recruit who became a club champion the consecutive games record holder, and so arguably one of the most durable, a Brownlow medalist, an international representative of both participating countries, he is now a Hall of Fame inductee, so with weighting for his pioneering role as an overseas entrant to Australian Rules Football, it seems inevitable that AFL Legend status will eventually beckon. Should Hollywood enshrine his career it would possibly draw parallels with the fictitious Irishman portrayed by John Wayne in "The Quiet Man"
With all these accolades the legacy is intact, well, not withstanding his moment of notoriety, and of course his declaration of his virginity around the same period, the infamy he acheived for running over Gary Buckenara`s mark in the `87 Preliminary Final which incurred a 15 metre penalty and consequently put Buckenara within shooting range, and with that to Hawthorn went the spoils and a Grand Final berth.
The significance of that misdemeanour was illustarted to Stynes` as he declared in his biography, while on a train on the Metro in Paris as he used an overseas holiday to purge himself after the season had finished, a stranger approached him with the quizzical remark, which helped perpetuated his infamy "aren`t you the guy who ran over the mark


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What is the truth?

May 21st 2008 21:12
According to historian Gillian Hibbins Adam Goodes is a racist when he suggests that indigenous men are born to play footy, and The Age`s Martin Flanagan is romanticising the aboriginal role when he refers to the development and origins of Australian rule football.You wonder does Ms Hibbins feel tourist companies when they buy into national stereotypes are funadamentally racist too, do they Irish spend all their time laughing in alittle pub in the west of Ireland? Do all aussies spend all the day hanging around beautiful beaches? Perhaps, she accepts this with the literary licence with which it is delivered, similar to what Goodes was surely infering! When Goodes said indigenous Australians are born to play, clearly he was referring to the style of play favoured by many of the indigenous stars, the likes of Andrew McCleod who although plays within his designated "Anglo-Celt" structured role for the Adelaide Crows, he still is an impulsive free spirit within that framework, and when he is unorthodox it is when he is at his best.
Even channel 9`s Tony Jones in his column in the Age, refers to the suggestion that Marngrook, the game played by indigenous Australians prior to colonisation, had a role in the development of football. Now, granted Tony`s sources may already have been mentioned and his research is not unique, nor nearly as controversial as the debate that exists between Flanagan and Hibbins regarding the significance of the role Tom Wills had in the outset of footy, but how novel is to think of TONY JONES as an historian!
There is something, perhaps to at least equate with that, how about Brian Taylor the Demographer, yes BT,(just bacon and tomatoe "No Lettuce") from Triple M and FOX!, recently on FOX`s program the Backpage, No Lettuce challenged his colleagues, when discussing 20-20 cricket in the Indian Premier League, as to how many teams they could name. Unsurprisingly the"Anthropologists" around could not name one, which No Lettuce used as clear indication that the IPL will not last. Amazing process of deduction in dismissing the passion for over a billion people for the love they have for all aspects of cricket. No Lettuce`s insight is not confined either, when discussing the impending interchange change in procedures, the big fella had to suppress his giggles as he asked his cohorts on FOX`s league teams, what they thought of Neil " The Professor"Craig of Adelaide "The Good Students"trialing the process during training. It is hardkly poetic to note the ensuing assessment by the varying clubs, notably, Collingwood "Noone Like us..We don`nt care", where No Lettuce moonlights as forwards coach, and as usual senior coach Mick "No soup for you" Malthouse was scathing of change pre and post match, as was illustrated in their win over the Saints on the subsequent Friday night game, the interchange at Collingwood was a comedy of errors, with their steward looking like he was trying to keep the number of players on the ground to 17, meanwhile the Crows said they had no issue with new rinterchange rule


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Hall of Shame Game!

May 13th 2008 20:06
The analysis of the AFL`s 150 year celebration, which had the Hall of Fame game as it`s showpiece, was suitably assessed by the erudite Brendan Fevola, who in his "My Fame Game Diary in Monday`s Melbourne Herald Sun, demonstrated what he took from the game, "..found out Campbell Brown has the loudest laugh in history. Every time he laughs he makes me laugh". Should not the Alan Aylett medallist add to his cabinet, for this glorious insight into the mind of a champ. What! No medal for that literature?
Never mind Mike Sheahan is holding the Fort, he knows what is ailing the world, not just footy. Yeah that `s right " the scouge of modern sport, the Mexican wave"
Mike must assume the worst about Geelong`s Paul Chapman, " I was looking around and off goes the Mexican wave. I thought it was great". His Victorian colleague Doggie Robert Murphy was not as convinced, "I thought someone might have fallen out of the stands. I guess I got carried away. Th crowd got loud there at one stage. It was almost offputting. Melbourne is the sporting capital, so it was pretty good


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"Making it up as the go along!"

May 6th 2008 21:02
Your text goes hereIn light of the furore over Sam Newmans "mannequin handling" and subsequent tirade against a whole gender, the commotion that ensued (which, should have been more concise, is Sam a sexist or at worst a misogynist? Or does he merely use these provocative topics to boost ratings?) helped gloss over some other poorly researched views in the paid AFL media.
Three notable candidates at the weekend illustrated as " fact" what Monty Python might refer to as information from the "making it up as the go along" school of journalism.
Amazingly, The Age in Melbourne on Saturday 5th of May devoted the entire front page of their sports pull-out to the off the cuff assessment of Buddy Franklin Vs Travis Cloke, by Robert Walls, which from the outset is flawed as a premise for an article, one Buddy, is a possibly one in a generation talent, 161 goals in 63 games, on par for a 100 goal season from a position that in the forward line, that varies between being the foacl point of attack for Hawthorn or a shared role up front with the other 3 forwards. Travis Cloke, a Leviathan young man, although a best and fairness winner, with 67 goals in as many games is workmanlike "by comparison


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